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Shakespeare and DionysusThe Dancing of a Free Spirit! June 25 除草I have been fine. Just too busy. Still alive and not affected by the swine flu.
The summer has arrived. Don't wake me up when september comes:) November 12 Something related to the Title of this SpaceThe ecstasy of the Dionysian state, with its annihilation of the usual limits and borders of existence, contains for its duration a lethargic element in which all past personal experience is submerged. And so this chasm of oblivion separates the world of everyday reality from that of Dionysian reality. However, as soon as that everyday reality returns to consciousness, it is experienced for what it is with disgust: an ascetic mood which negates the will is the fruit of those conditions. In this sense the Dionysian man is similar to Hamlet: both have at one time cast a true glance into the essence of things, they have acquired knowledge, and action is repugnant to them; for their action can change nothing in the eternal essence of things, they feel that it is laughable or shameful that they are expected to repair a world which is out of joint. Knowledge kills action, to action belongs the veil of illusion—that is the lesson of Hamlet, not that cheap wisdom of Hans the Dreamer, who fails to act because he reflects too much, as a result as it were of an excess of possibilities; not reflection, no!—but true knowledge, insight into the horrific truth, outweighs any motive leading to action, in Hamlet as well as in the Dionysian man. Now no consolation is accepted, the longing goes beyond the world after death, goes beyond even the gods, now existence, together with its glittering reflection in the gods or in an immortal other world, is negated. Conscious of the truth once glimpsed, man now sees all around him only the horrific or the absurd aspects of existence, now he understands the symbolic aspect of Ophelia's fate, now he recognizes the wisdom of the forest god Silenus: it disgusts him.
September 08 离线留言今天用一个代理软件上了msn，突然发现上面出来n多离线留言。。。汗。。。sorry guys....没有及时回复，不是我不想回复，因为我一直都没收到：我用的是苹果机，这上面的msn版本很好，很低级，无法接受离线消息。所以各位有什么事情，请直接给我电话，或email me。I will respond ASAP. 顺便update下近况，最近很忙，很无趣，打球很搓，paper写的很慢，很接近崩溃，很希望来一场linkin park的live.....singing my december.. 是时候去去k房或cedar point了 Take care guys! July 20 请随樱花般，尽情飞扬吧，你我皆一样February 22 月食 昨夜月食，被“击中”，第三次中文尝试，望谅 月食－2.20.08 被删除的文字如同被撕裂的符咒 将我带入迷幻 流转的脚步 盏盏烛台 燃烧且不自觉的生命 渴望，失望，绝望 而后循环。 旋舞的雪花在制造虚妄的浪漫， 月亮也淘气地藏起半边脸庞。 乔拖和萨马乔成了黑暗中的光影 昭示着伟大复苏的来临。 倘若灵魂真分九等 我愿拥有些许五等的技艺， 倘若您理性的光辉， 从不曾将我照亮。 只是酒神与缪思不常将我召唤 韵律与鼓点便让我魂牵梦还。 如同今夜 影子躲在我的脚步后面， 冰冷的审视“人性”的贫乏 爱与荒诞 洋葱与大蒜. 标签，符号， 语言，偏见， 一切的一切 终将在道德的谱系里， 随善与恶消蚀腐烂。 于是，我吹灭那烛光半盏， 让影子在纯粹的黑暗里 四处逃散。 October 26 Hope It could Be a Blessing... 有点兴奋，有点意外，有点担忧。一天前的我还在为我可怜的英语表达能力而悲愤，还在冥思苦想我的人生方向在哪里，还在尼采愤怒的道德观和博尔赫斯的镜子里挣扎，还在意大利语或诗歌课的选课上绞尽脑汁。。。现在对于摆在面前的这样一条漠漠糊糊的道路，心情确是十分复杂。 我不知道今天对我来说将会是特殊的一天／至少从进程上来看确实是的。先是早上7点几起了床，准备下周的论文（因为周五要随舞蹈队去pittsburgh参加ballroom比赛，所以论文必须在周五出发前搞定。）这大概是我几个月来第一次这么早起。写了一会，由于写不下去，又因为昨天极度阴霾的情绪还没完全跑掉，我写了来美国这后的第一首完正的诗（我现在只能靠这种事情yy了。。。）最后也是让我最。。。的是今天在训练间期，dance till you drop请来的教练－一个american champion找到了我，问我what is your story...当然关于跳舞的。blab blab...讲了一堆后，他说我show some potential, 问我愿不愿意接受更serious的training，还让我跟他的学生搭挡。。。突然间感觉世界真的是很奇妙。。。在北京的时候，我还曾和荣老师说过转成professional的问题，但由于各种关于人生选择的问题，最终没有作到。现在飞到了太平洋的这边，这到神奇的小门又再次在我面前打开。。。呵，life... 我一直以来都在yy，如果能够让我的人生沉浸在某项东西里面，我希望它是 dancing 或 poetry。可是yy毕竟是yy, 真正能够付诸实际的又有多少。现在打开的这到小门究竟对我意味着什么，我不知道...我一直以来都不敢对事物抱有太多的幻想和期望，这也是我一直以来所做的。就象在每一次考验前都习惯把结果想得最糟一样。因为这样一旦结果出来不好，我不会有很大的落差。所以无论遇到什么不好的事情，我总会自己尝试把自己拉到积极的一面，并开心的去面对生活。 庆幸的是在每一个生活的拐角，我总会碰到能够给与我很大帮助的朋友和导师。。。他们是我人生的拐点。这也是到目前我的理想主义的生活方式还在继续的原因。我不知道未来的路会怎样，不知道这会不会又是另一个拐点，但无论是不是，我希望还能在这条已经怪异的曲线上继续前行: like my previous blog> follow your heart... 最后附第一次在美国跳舞写的未完成的诗句： Upon the lively tiptoes, Within the melodious music, Among these ruby and merry faces I spin through the mirthful crowd, Thinking that the whole world, might melt into a tune, a touch, a glance, a kiss. October 12 下午，一个人，静，听到自己的呼吸声。October 03 生活，从心寻找实在好久好久没来这里了，自从买了macbook，space就象废掉一样。再加上我实在不善长组织语言，所以一直都不知道写什么。但今天实在是不同，因为有点亢奋，觉着肯定睡不着，就爬上来写点东西。向大家汇报一下。
到美国已经一个月了。9月3号来的，一个月发生的事情实在太多，难以一一叙述。上一篇写活不下去其实是没来美国前写的拉，搞得大家觉得我在这边活不下去了。其实这边的生活还好。我已经开始慢慢习惯了。虽然一开始跌跌撞撞的碰到不少问题，还好一一都解决了。生活也慢慢有了节奏。就是吃饭还是一个亟待研究的问题。由于我实在是太懒，觉得做饭太麻樊，经常是随便就吃点东西解决。已经习惯了自己做三明制，在两快面包里加条火腿，一片cheese，和一个尖蛋，还蛮好吃的。这就是我的早饭和午饭。晚上有时侯会自己做，速度已经越来越快，现在煮加吃大概45分钟就能搞定，实在难以想像。以前在学校食堂吃饭，如果和种鱼和型男吃，一顿大概可以吃个一个小时（食堂里）。现在实在是有效率了。ps,我的厨义也大有长进了。哈哈
关于学习和生活： 发现老板是个超牛的人士，人又相当的nice，所以对学习和office的工作还是蛮positive的，只是作业和reading实在是太多，所以想出国的同学要有很好的心里准备。生活方面呢，找到了一群臭味相投的损友。。。实在是太开心了。而且居然还让我发现一个比棍子不相上下的人。敬仰啊。。。直至目前呢，我已经在两个人家吃了火锅(太回味了，一次还是中秋节，还吃了月饼。那时刚好是我在吃方面欲生欲死的时候，yinghua 和apharasia伸出了援助之手，感激之情犹如滔滔江水。。）后来还在我们家开了个party, 生活开始有点靠谱了，虽然vanessa和wendy(卖汉堡那个。。）说我是最不靠谱的人。
比较丑的事就是撞上学校的运动中心rpac的游泳池入口的玻璃门，把鼻子撞坏了，嘴巴也肿了一大块。他们都说我看到美女太兴奋了，其实不是。那是我第一次到rpac，而且和caili练了半天乱七八糟的东西之后，终于发现可以游泳，实在是兴奋，就屁掂屁颠的换了泳裤，看到一陀水利马冲了过去，结果蹦的一声，一滩血迹就留在了玻璃门上。正旦我晕晕的时候，回头一看，一群老外（大部分是美女，张大嘴巴呈o字型，看着我。。。）心立马就碎了。。。后来在kroger,从出口的玻璃们走进去，结果被们弹了回来。。。。。。（残状迎接不暇，持续了一周）不过现在已经好多了。。huohuo。
至于今天为什么会写这么多呢，我也不知道。晚上和一对人很好，而且即将去日本生活的美国小夫妇一起吃饭，聊了半天，后来让他们在rpac把我放下，跑去参加了dance till u drop的活动。可能因为跳完舞的缘故吧，实在太兴奋了。又再次跳起了ballroom。决得生活就象一个黑屋子里，突然射进了一道阳光。。。或象突然被muse找到，这种感觉实在太好。我要继续找寻找这种感觉。Let go of my imagination...
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
----Pablo Picasso August 28 活不下去了。。。Don't know what to do, don't know what to say, this feeling is so strange, seems to devour all my existence. I just cannot carry on being like this, shit... please give me a break
Before The Mirror
Who am I to define, a fake poet or a vulgar sign? Mentally sick, though yet commit heinous crime Emptiness stealthily creeps, into the truthful glass, Where a figure twisted, does normally shine
I’m the tomb of my self-love, Narcissus’s pool Sucked in every vigor, and left behind a desolate mind Unrequited passion and love I do give away, Unexpected coldness to receive, of such kind
Reality is the murderer of great love When shallow ones linger, in the name of lust, or trust, Worldly chaos pushes me on, while heavenly thoughts Switch me off, with my rhymes, decaying into dust
Will he foresee in me sunken eyes and lonely nights? Or just a dead image, within a grown, sophisticated child.
---lulu, someday before
August 21 A night like thisLate at night, have not a bit desire to bed, just to note down a night like this:
When the fresh feet of night trespass, Upon the bounty of a dying sun, I, take on the cloak of darkness, To seek the sweet music of your voice;
The watery beams of moonshine, Cast upon the withered face of the world, Who after a day’s sweat and toil, Now rests serenely upon a maid’s window;
In such a night, with lively steps I stride to your door, knock and knock, Knock and knock, a heart so unsatisfied, To hear no music, from my tenth Muse;
Has she lost counsel of the nightingale? Or away with the fallen angel she fled? Or just she and I, I and you, are only images Blocked in the divine drawer of imagination;
Thus with a fragile heart I bemoan, shedding Tearless tears and crying soundless cry; And the beauty of this charming night, All melts into this mirror of my solitude.
July 03 致所有我难以割舍的兄弟姐妹：我们曾一起怒放！今天终于最后还是哭了，而且不知为何现在间断性的还是想哭，真TMD不像男人！四年了，就这么结束，发现我最舍不下的还是你们，一起有过太多太多太多的回忆，和你们一样，这四年够我回忆一辈子，大家无论在哪里都努力吧，期待在烟花灿烂的季节重逢！
珍重！！！
May 02 热闹的五月今天终于在庄妈和安猪的力邀下看了《帝国》的首演，里面8个西班牙女人果然如郭猪所言般彪悍，自此对西班牙女人倍生敬仰，以前和leon一样的对西班牙的美好幻想也受到不小的打击。以后遇到西班牙女人，还是得小心点才是。但演出确实够震撼，没有舞台，或是说整个场地就是舞台，演员就在观众之中，鼓点强烈的音乐不停地撞击胸口，惊悚的气氛从一开始就弥漫在整个场地。我不大会描述，但绝对够刺激！所以建议有心脏病的同志如果要去的话要慎重。哈哈 今天还有件很重要的事情，就是在798见到一班好久没见的前同事，甚是亲切，大家纷纷对我已逝的长发表示哀悼，悲哀之情溢于言表。我就差感激涕零了。所以暗下决心，在美国一定要留回长头发，不辜负各位的殷切期望。人生目标自此除了卖烟又多了一项-留一头够帅的长发（不要很搓的那种!） 不过，迷笛已经开始了，也许我可以在那实现卖烟的目标也说不定。哈哈。热闹的五月 March 11 Silly words flowingBelow are words as silly as I am. 22x365 plus 70 days makes me. A combination of number and time. I’m sick and tired of this numerical and mechanical world. You say life is full of pain and sadness… Ephemeral happiness cannot beat the eternal darkness... You might be right. But who are you? I look into the mirror; a shadow is speaking to me. His burning eyes, which look like a volcano, are eager to swallow anything in his sight. I flinch… How I wish I was not born in the first place to taste this tragedy of mankind. I know that it’s not intended, but I believe that all men have a kind of natural tendency to skip some tough tasks, like mediation, writing, even like life itself. Life has become nonsense, while words are losing power. I’m done now, totally finished. But who am I? Stuck in an abyss helplessly and haplessly, I stretch my neck as long as possible, wishing to sense and touch a beam of light from heaven. However, all that is blown into this endless hole is only darkness and emptiness. Sometimes I sit down, given to nihility, moaning the blocked stars, and watering the ground with my tears. Alas, am I imagining that there is bud of love under the earth? Then my tears shall provide nutrition to it and maybe one day in the future, this bud of love can grow and turn into a big tree. With this tree, then I shall escape from here, the longest and darkest night of human. But what do you need, man? What do you need? You the silly, don’t you know that life is only a brief candle? With sharpest eyes, the poet Will far above the stage has told you all, you the silly man upon the stage! Strutting and fretting hours spent bootlessly, now I’m here only with a friend Melancholy. Melancholy is my shadow; he comes to me when the evil clouds stop disturbing the moon. I remember that once upon a time, she was my distant soul mate and I danced with her. But now she has closed her eyes, and I could not see her face. I’m here only with a friend Melancholy. There is no turning back. His volcano eyes swallowed all of my faith and spirit, sucking all the vigor of my life. How feeble am I now! Meeting no defense, he takes hold of my heart, squeezes it. I can see dark red blood gushing from my breast. I can feel my body languishing; It becomes heavier and heavier. My vision blurred, my breath so gentle…
You become the death of me now, my friend.
And you can hear me laughing: what a fortune’s fool! March 02 人，诗意地栖居没有人的游泳池总让我想起《蓝色大门》， 每一次当我不想思考的时候，我就会跑到游泳池，疯狂的游个几十来回，游到臀部呈现抽痉前症状，然后在桑拿房里发呆时间若干，最后一个人骑着自行车在北京夜里10点的街头幌着，那泛黄的灯光，骑起来特舒服的马路，还有冷风，总让我有种莫名的兴奋和感慨。觉着生活要是总有那种感觉多好。这种感觉我偶尔能在学校的广场里体会到，大二夏天有一晚在那的一张登子上小睡过一觉，然后是去年冬天特别冷的时候，每天上完自习跑到那一个人抽烟，看看月亮和星星，总觉得生活被一种莫名的奇妙的感觉注满（此感觉目前想不到词汇可确切表达）。也许这就是诗情。就像荷尔德林所言的：人之诗意地栖居。 可这一切也许只是一种任性的奢望：还记得有一特搞笑的事，以前跟一朋友说过我喜欢在阳光下张开双臂，闭上眼睛，感受阳光洒在身上的感觉，慢慢的左右8字型小跑，然后想象自己在像天使一样飞翔，还大声地唱着：FLY IN THE SKY...他听完冥想了一会，说：“恩。天空中的苍蝇。。。有意境。。。”结果两人狂笑不止! 当时想为什么老外会把苍蝇的英文单词也叫FLY, 把这么有意境的词和这么恶心的生物绑在一起。猜不明白，也想不透。不过也许这就是一般的现实，人的生活总有很多现实的东西，恶心的东西，这些东西会破坏生活的诗意，结果生活也就不再有飞翔的可能，而只能成为苍蝇。可无论如何，我还是愿意相信诗意的栖居的可能性的存在。所以我一直愿意做一个疯狂的任性的小孩，也许在别人的眼睛里我是傻，可我竟傻到觉得傻挺好的。所以众人也就纷纷无语。。。（说起来，我让人无语的次数可谓无数。。。哈哈哈） ANYWAY，诗歌是一个奇妙的东西。极度的简练，却有传达无限意境的能力,随贴近期超喜欢一句： 人们无数世纪的凝视使她积满了泪水， 看，她就是你的明镜。 （摘自 月亮-by 博尔赫斯）
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